


Happy Birthday Fatora

by KB9VCN



Category: El Hazard: The Magnificent World
Genre: F/F, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-09-30
Updated: 2002-09-30
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8760091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KB9VCN/pseuds/KB9VCN
Summary: Written September 2002; humor; about 2200 words.
This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
This contains adult humor.  Reader discretion is advised.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written September 2002; humor; about 2200 words.
> 
> This takes place some time after the end of the first OVA series.
> 
> This contains adult humor. Reader discretion is advised.

Alielle lay in her bed, hiding under her blanket and her pillows. She was overwhelmed by a vague sense of dread.

She knew that she had to do something really really hard today. She found herself trying to remember what it was, although she really really didn't want to remember it.

Protocol lessons with Dr. Schtalubaugh? No...

An appointment with her dentist? No...

Oh. Right. Fatora's birthday was coming up. She had to think of a birthday present for a princess.

Alielle groaned. Compared to this, protocol lessons or dental work would be a walk in the royal gardens...

—

"Well," Makoto said, "generally speaking, we celebrate birthdays on Earth pretty much in the same way as here in El-Hazard. We send a nice card, and maybe flowers, or a small present. Toys for small children. For an adult, something we think the person will need, or like. Something that will make them think of us."

Alielle put one finger to her mouth, in thought. "I'm afraid that doesn't help me very much. What would YOU like to get?"

Makoto turned to his desk, then reached out and picked up one of the less peculiar relics laying on it. "Maybe something like this? It's a quantum wave oscillator and particle manipulator. It's very handy for reversing the polarity of a neutron flow."

Alielle smiled nervously. "Um... I love Fatora dearly, but I'm not sure I'd trust her with something like that... and I'm not sure she could even say its name, let alone use it..."

Makoto smiled sheepishly and rubbed his neck. "Sorry. I guess I don't make a very good substitute for Fatora, after all."

Ifurita sat, still and silent, near Makoto's desk. Alielle turned to her. "Um, Ifurita? Do you have any suggestions for a present?"

Ifurita looked up at her, in surprise. "Oh, Alielle. I am touched, that you would ask me."

But then she hung her head. "But I am afraid that I cannot help you. For I am a demon god... and I have never celebrated a birthday..."

A single tear ran down her cheek. "I was not born... And so I do not have a birthday..."

A wide-eyed Alielle put a hand to her mouth. "Oh no..."

She turned to Makoto. "I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to..."

Makoto had already stood up from his desk. He sighed and smiled sadly, as he went to a closet. "Don't blame yourself, Alielle."

He opened the closet, and pulled out Ifurita's favorite comfort blanket and teddy bear. "I share a telepathic link with her, and I still say things that upset her, now and then, myself."

—

"Gosh, Alielle, that's tough," Nanami said.

She drummed her fingers on the table where the two of them sat. "A Shinonome Diner gift certificate wouldn't be any good, would it? You and Fatora do come here a lot, but it's always on the royal expense account."

Alielle sipped at a glass of tea. "I've already asked Makoto... but is there anything special that you do for Earth birthdays? What do you usually eat at a birthday party?"

"Nothing that unusual," Nanami said. "Ice cream... and cake... Sometimes we put little candles on the cake..."

"Is that so you can see it better?" Alielle asked.

Nanami grinned. "No, no... You're supposed to make a wish, and try to blow out the candles. Your wish is supposed to come true if you can blow out all the candles."

"Oh... that might be nice," Alielle thought out loud. "Could you bake a cake for me?"

"You bet." Nanami grinned again. "You know, with your slight build... heh. Sometimes, on Earth, they put a girl into the cake, and then— Alielle!!"

Alielle had passed out.

Nanami went to her side, and picked her up, and patted her cheek. "Alielle! I'm sorry! They don't actually bake the girl into the cake! They make the cake hollow, and the girl hides in it. Then she jumps out of it, as a surprise."

Alielle shook her head. "Oh. OK. That's a relief..."

But then, she grinned. "But... ooh, that would be fun. Could you bake a cake big enough for me to hide inside of it?"

Nanami raised an eyebrow. "I was joking, Alielle. That's degrading to women... But I guess it wouldn't be, in your case, would it?... Alright. Why not."

"How much would a cake that large cost?" Alielle asked. "Since it has to be a surprise, I can't charge it. I'll have to pay for it out of my own pocket."

"Hmm..." Nanami was thoughtful. She wrote up a list of items, added up a column of figures, and showed it to Alielle. "That should cover it— Alielle!?"

Alielle had passed out again.

—

Miz held up a mountain climber's pick-axe. "I gave this to Masamichi last year. His love for mountain climbing can be annoying, but it does make it easy to shop for him."

Alielle bit her lip. "Fatora's not really the outdoors-y type. Do you have any other ideas?"

Miz looked down at the floor, and rubbed her neck, in thought. "Hmm... well, it is Fatora... And we all know what SHE likes... And your, um, lifestyle is quite a bit different than mine, but still... it is a long-term relationship, between two consenting adults..."

She smiled slyly. "Have you ever taken whipped cream, and..." She whispered the rest in Alielle's ear.

Alielle grinned. "We did that just the night before last."

Miz blinked. "Oh. Oh dear. Well... there is one other thing. But this is strictly between the two of us. My dear Masamichi is easily embarrassed, and I had to talk him into it...

"Sometimes I have him take his mountain climbing ropes and..." She crossed her wrists as she whispered the rest in Alielle's ear again.

Alielle grinned wider. "Fatora and I take turns doing that to each other on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

Miz breathed out heavily. "Well. Goodness. I'm afraid that's as much as I can help you with THAT sort of thing."

"Really?" Alielle said. "You should try THIS sometime." And she whispered back in Miz's ear.

Miz breathed out heavily again, and held a hand over her chest. "Oh, be still my beating heart... Is that even LEGAL?"

Alielle grinned even wider. "Not if you do it right."

Miz smiled slyly again. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Alielle. But... my dear Masamichi is going to enjoy HIS next birthday."

—

"There is no greater gift," Kauru said, "than the gift of cosmic understanding."

Alielle blinked. "Huh?"

Kauru clasped her hands and smiled happily. "I speak of that which allows us to obtain but a glimpse of profound truth, and yet... this mere glimpse may confer upon us a state of bliss."

Alielle gulped. "It's not some kind of weird mushroom, is it?"

Kauru regarded Alielle sternly. "The attainment of this precious gift require discipline and sacrifice, and rigorous training, and denial of the carnal desires of this mortal form."

Alielle sighed. "Ah well. That's no good for Fatora, then."

Kauru gestured grandly, somehow seeming much more threatening than she usually seemed, and obviously getting carried away. "AND YET!!..."

"Eep!" said Alielle.

Kauru settled back into a lotus position. "Observe... how the greatest journey of all... the journey of a lifetime... may begin with the smallest step."

She closed her eyes, and exhaled, and stilled.

Alielle blinked again. "Huh? Kauru? Hey! Hello?"

She put a hand on Kauru's head, then poked at Kauru's hands. "Wow! That's cool! How do you do that?"

She leaned and gently rapped her knuckles against Kauru's foot, producing a oddly metallic sound, as if Kauru were petrified. "Are you dead or alive?"

She grabbed Kauru's shoulders and tried to shake them. "Wake up! Come on! Hey! Come on!"

Then Alielle slapped her face. "Kauru! Snap out of it!"

She panicked. She grabbed a small loose board and smashed it across Kauru's head. "Say something! Or at least blink your eyes!"

Then she gulped again, and nervously backed out of the room. "Where's a bug when you need one?..."

—

Afura rubbed her chin. "Oh dear. Well, I wish that you had come to me sooner. We could have gone to the Barage Market together."

"That's where I went last year," Alielle said. "But yes, this is all my fault, for putting it off until the last minute. Oh, Afura, isn't there ANYTHING that you can do to help me?"

"This is the temple of Mount Muldoon, Alielle," said Afura. "It's not exactly a shopping center. There's nothing here but a few ancient holy relics. And my private library, of course."

Then she smiled more warmly. "Say... I do have some duplicate copies of some books. They're all in that shelf, over there... If you think Fatora would like any of them, help yourself."

"Oh, thank you, Afura." Alielle trotted to the small bookshelf, and took a look at the books in it. "Hmm... Volume sixty-seven of the 'Encyclopaedia Roshtaria'... 'Crop Rotation In The Fourteenth Century'... No, these are all kind of, um, scholarly... Oh, here's a novel, I think."

She opened it to its title page. "'Heretics Of Dune'?"

Afura grimaced. "No, that's no good. That's not a duplicate, but I couldn't get past the first fifty pages or so, myself."

Alielle fidgeted. "Um, Afura? Do you have any books about... well... you know..."

Afura grinned. "Ah. Well. Yes, I do have a few books on THAT subject in my... ahem... PRIVATE library. But... I'm afraid that I'd be hard pressed to part with any of THEM."

Suddenly, they both heard a massive explosion from outside the temple. Alielle clung to Afura and whimpered. "WHAT was THAT!?"

Afura reassured her. "Don't worry. That'll be Shayla, doing target practice in the ravine again."

Alielle stood up and courtesied. "Oh. Alright. Well, thanks very much, anyway. I guess I'll go see if she has any ideas."

As Alielle left the room, Afura raised a hand, in concern. "Um, Alielle? That might not be such a good idea..."

—

An awestruck Alielle watched Shayla throw fire bolts at the rocks on the far side of the mountain valley. She repeatedly shattered huge rocks and boulders like egg shells.

_Oh,_ Alielle thought. _Sister Shayla is so strong, and powerful... And she's breathing hard, and she's all hot and sweaty, and..._

Alielle squeezed her eyes shut, and she gave herself a mental dope-slap. _Focus, Alielle. Focus. You're here for Fatora._

Shayla took a break, and put a towel around her shoulders, and drank from a bottle of water. Then she turned and saw Alielle. "Oh. Hey, Alielle. What're you doin' here?"

Alielle was still awestruck. She bowed deeply. "Sister Shayla. I have come to you on a mission of utmost importance. I must ask your help with a most difficult matter. I—"

Shayla rolled her eyes. "Dispense with the formalities, wouldja? Now, then. What can I do you for?"

Alielle fidgeted yet again. "Well... Fatora's birthday is coming up, and I don't know what to give her. And I was wondering if... you... had... any..."

Shayla raised an eyebrow. "Fatora?"

"Um, yes," Alielle said. "You know, Fatora? Junior princess of Roshtaria?"

Shayla twitched. "Oh, *I* know who FATORA is."

Her voice took on a dangerous tone. "Let me get this straight. You're asking ME what *I* would give to FATORA? The damned PERVERT that STOLE my FIRST KISS!?"

Alielle took a first step back, away from her. "Um, yes... but I think I understand why Afura recommended against it, now..."

Shayla's head band flared wildly, and she cracked her knuckles. "Oh ho ho... Let me SHOW you what I'd like to give Fatora!"

Alielle put it in top gear. "ICanSeeYoureReallyBusySoIWontTakeUpAnyMoreOfYourTimeEEEEEEEE!!"

—

Fatora opened her eyes, stretched and yawned.

She turned to one side, and saw Alielle, kneeling beside her, in her bed. Fatora looked at her with one eyebrow raised.

Alielle had stuck a huge red ribbon on her head. She smiled cheerfully. "Happy birthday, Lady Fatora!!"

"My birthday?" Fatora said sleepily. "Huh. I completely forgot about it... What's with the ribbon?"

Alielle giggled, and stuck out her tongue in an irresistably cute face. "I'm your birthday present! My body, my heart and soul... This Alielle is all yours, forever an' ever!"

Fatora looked at her. Then she smiled wryly.

"I don't want that," she said.

Alielle's face went white. "What?..."

Fatora sat up, stretched and yawned again. "You heard me. Take it back. I don't need it."

Alielle's eyes went all sad and shiny. "But... but..."

Fatora very suddenly lunged at Alielle and grabbed her. She put Alielle in a headlock, pulled the ribbon off, and administered a gentle (but not TOO gentle) noogie, as she explained herself.

"Why would I want an Alielle? I've already got one. And I won't ever find one better than the one I've got. Why, I just love her to death."

Alielle laughed with relief, and happiness, and her own love.


End file.
